I knew this month was going to be rough.
Football/cheer practice is starting, along with their 5 day a week practice schedule. Our new Girl Scout troop is in planning stage with orientation and our first parent meeting happening this month. I’m finalizing curriculum and completely creating one for Lyrik in preparation for the 13-14 school year. Then, there’s the financial stress of all of the above AND the new car we just broke down and purchased. (We’re just too far out of the city to rely on public transportation and our metatarsals.)
I was well aware of the fact that I would be six months pregnant with a toddler, preschooler, elementary schooler and two middle schoolers (and a musician) when all of these things began. I have been aware for months, which is why I decided to start early! Plan. Be ready.
It didn’t make a bit of a difference!
I am more organized, more researched and more prepared than I have been in years. But this week has still been pressure packed with chaos. It still is oozing random craziness. And I still ended up an emotional, hormonal ball of tears this afternoon.
And it’s only Wednesday.
But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way! Tonight I re-confirmed what I started to doubt many years ago.
I got this.
My crazy might not be your shade of crazy, but it sure comes from the same DNA.
Life is crazy. Life is chaos.
You can plan life. You can research and prepare your every move. You can organize and keep records and in today’s world; have all the information you’ll ever need to know (or as Johnathan said, “google”) at your fingertips.
But it’s not going to make a bit of difference.
Life does its own thing. It’s going to go its own way. Planning, organizing, researching and preparing only cushions the turns. It doesn’t truly help you predict or avoid them. And honestly, who would want to? What fun is a straight line?
Point is, I’m tired. I’ve exhausted myself and am in no better place for wear. I haven’t enjoyed a damn thing about this past month. I’ve skipped out on Lego sessions. I’ve lost sleep over dollar signs. I’ve been go go go go go because I was afraid to fail. And part of me thought I already had.
But, as I type, my boys have gathered to watch, “Through the Wormhole”. Their chores done. Their bodies sore. But smiles. From ear to ear. All four of them. Aleya is cheering to herself in the entry way (it has great acoustics) and Zana is drifting off into dreamland with a smile on her chubby little face.
This is worth the chaos and as far away from failure that I can ever imagine.
What is life without abnormalities, anyway?
Boooooring! I’ll pass! <3